Two quick FYI’s for 2018:
1) This is a fairly dated, tongue-and-cheek article. For a helpful conversation about what makes the Vitamix so special:
2) There are 6 Huge Black Friday and Cyber Monday (plus Holiday) Vitamix Offers happening now!
Okay, onto this article. 🙂
Maybe you’ve seen one at Costco. Or at Bed Bath and Beyond.
Maybe your friend has one. Seems like everyone does.
Well, it’s not an illusion.
These days, Vitamix machines are everywhere. Millions of people own them.
They’re certainly not cheap.
Well, if you’re wondering if a Vitamix is worth it, you’re not alone. Everyone asks the same question.
What’s so special about a Vitamix?
There must be something magical about a Vitamix, right?
- Maybe they last forever?
- Maybe they’re like a weight loss pill?
- Maybe they can sauté peppers, grill meat and bake cupcakes?
Okay, those are ridiculous.
But if it could do all that stuff, maybe a Vitamix would be worth the money. Maybe.
No, Vitamix doesn’t claim its machines can do any of that stuff.
But given the price, it’s important to listen to the voice in your head. You know, the one that keeps you out of trouble.
- Be wary — is it worth all the hype?
- Be humble — do I need this?
- Be smart — is this a bad decision?
So, what do you do?
Well, you’ll probably keep looking for a recommendation if Vitamix is worth it.
But first, you gotta be clear on your options.
Close your eyes
Imagine it’s next week. You want to get started on a daily smoothie plan.
But you can’t.
Why? You don’t have the right machine.
And four weeks later, you’re still hoping to get started soon. Nothing has changed.
Imagine it’s next week. You start your day with a delicious smoothie.
Four weeks later, you’ve had a daily smoothie for a month straight. Incredible.
Sounds great, right?
Well, here’s the deal. You have two choices when trying to decide if a Vitamix is worth it.
1) Stay uncertain. You keep reading articles about which to get.
2) Take the plunge (or don’t). You get the machine you’re EXCITED about. The one that will help you achieve your goals.
Fortunately, the right path is available to you.
Your decision on whether or not a Vitamix is worth it.
30 Reasons a Vitamix is not Worth it
You’ll find a lot of Vitamix info on this site. You will not find anything, however, persuading you people to get a Vitamix.
Vitamix machines sell themselves.
Plus, coming from us, you don’t want to hear it.
As such, I’m taking the opposite approach.
Don’t get one!
Here’s why getting a Vitamix is NOT worth it.
Several social inconveniences arise when you get a Vitamix.
Yes, many of these are minor. Or, perhaps just an inconvenience to me.
But, they are what they are. And they, at least as a whole, make getting a Vitamix not worth it.
1) Everyone’s gonna wanna come over.
You have a Vitamix and everyone knows it.
Now YOU have to host taco night. And YOU have to host book club.
Ugh, can’t someone else host?
Not worth it!
2) It’s all you’re gonna want to talk about.
You’re so excited. Your Vitamix is like a new baby.
Naturally, you want to talk about all the tricks it’s learned.
Watch it make a smoothie! Now ice cream! Now hot soup!
At first, your friends and family find this endearing. But eventually, it becomes to too much.
Did you know it could make nut butters!?
Soon your social networks are annoyed, too.
Sure, you love your Vitamix and new lifestyle. It’s the greatest thing you ever did.
It’s like having babies. You’re gonna tell everyone how wonderful it is (mostly to make yourself feel better about your life choices).
But outsiders doesn’t want to hear it.
They know your “new baby” was actually not worth it.
3) You’re gonna need some new friends.
Once again, getting a Vitamix is like having babies. Eventually, you’re gonna want to share the joy with other people in the same situation.
Remember, your old friends just won’t understand.
Fortunately, new friends are easy to “make” on Instagram.
Real, new friends, however? A lot of time and effort.
4) You’re gonna be late.
Think about the time requirement.
- A refreshing green smoothie for breakfast.
- A protein shake after the gym.
- A homemade vegan cheese dip for a potluck.
Sure, these things take less than five minutes to make.
But it’s five minutes you haven’t yet fit into your routine.
Being late is regrettable, especially when it’s the fault of your new Vitamix.
Not worth it.
5) You’re gonna become a daiquiri snob.
(Photo from alcoholic beverages segment in my Nutribullet vs. Vitamix Video.)
You’re supposed to be grateful for everything on vacation, right?
If you’re on the beach and order a daiquiri from a bar that doesn’t use a Vitamix, you’re gonna be disappointed. (19:12 in this video shows what I mean.)
After one non-Vitamix daiquiri, you’re done.
Ever declined a frozen daiquiri on vacation? Get ready for your mates to be upset.
Because you don’t care for the drinks they love. Worse yet, they can’t understand why you’re being so picky.
6) You might become addicted.
Nobody likes an addict. Why?
Addicts cannot control themselves. They exhibit poor judgment. They keep secrets from their friends and family.
When you’re addicted to your Vitamix, here’s what to expect:
- Compulsive trips to the grocery store for fresh produce.
- Attempting to create with your Vitamix when it seems utterly unnecessary.
- Making special arrangements to travel with the Vitamix.
It’s real, people. The struggle is real.
7) You might lose the taste for candy (and added sugar).
Why eat candy or cake when you can make a whole fruit juice or banana ice cream?
But you know who doesn’t appreciate this newfound boredom with sweets? Your non-Vitamix owning friends.
Not worth the confrontation.
8) You’re gonna need less coffee.
If there’s anything coworkers enjoy together, it’s a good ol’ coffee break.
But what happens when you’re so invigorated from whole foods that you don’t need coffee anymore?
Simple: You become THAT guy or gal who doesn’t need coffee anymore. Aren’t they just so liberated from coffee’s wrath?
Another reason a Vitamix is NOT worth it?
Your Vitamix is going to require parts of your day. There’s no way around it.
Sure, you might get a little time back as your Vitamix operating skills improve.
But for the most part, be prepared to set time aside you previously hadn’t.
Here are some examples.
9) Store-bought nut butters aren’t gonna cut it.
Peanut butter is a staple item on most grocery lists. It’s great in smoothies, spreads, and even as a base of sauces.
But soon you’re gonna make your own nut butters.
And they’re gonna taste like heaven.
Then, you’re never gonna buy store-bought again.
The difference is subtle:
- No artificial preservatives.
- No artificial additives.
- Nothing but nuts.
But, the different in taste is eye-opening.
Sure, it only takes five minutes to make your own nut butters.
But time is money, right? Why waste it making nut butters?
So not worth even experiencing them.
Note: Same goes for salad dressings and dips. You’re gonna want to make your own.
10) More trips to the grocery store.
So you’re gonna have this new lifestyle.
- Whole foods.
- Fresh produce.
- Raw ingredients.
Well, there’s a shelf life on that stuff.
Expect to do a lot more grocery runs.
Because, alas, your Vitamix doesn’t do well with canned tuna, boxed cereal or ramen soup packs.
Thought you were done with the work day? Nope. You’re gonna need to run to the market to get kale.
11) You’re gonna fail.
Brown concoction “juices.” Rubbery pancake batters. Over-processed sorbet.
Failure. It’s gonna happen.
Of course, failure isn’t all bad. After all, it’s the only way to get better.
But failure means do-overs. Time you’ll never get back.
Not worth that.
12) You’re gonna spend more time at the gym.
This is clearly a benefit in disguise. I get that.
But more time at the gym means less time watching TV. When are you gonna watch Game of Thrones?!
There are two reasons you’re gonna be spending more time at the gym.
You’re gonna feel: Energized.
A diet filled with whole foods is gonna keep you energized throughout the day. Getting your butt to the gym will hardly seem like a chore.
You’re gonna WANT to expend some energy there. Motivated. Now that you’re at the gym, you’re gonna have the motivation to actually complete your workout. No more cutting it short.
Protein shakes made in the Vitamix is an incredible post-workout reward.
So because your Vitamix is gonna make you go to the gym, it’s worth avoiding the temptation all together. Don’t get one.
13) You’re gonna ask a lot of questions at restaurants.
So you know about the power of Vitamix machines. You know they’re used in commercial kitchens as a finishing tool.
Naturally, you’re gonna want to ask the restaurant server, “How to you make the soup? You mention it’s pureed. Do you guys use a Vitamix?”
The answer is likely “yes”.
But either way, your food is getting served 30 seconds later than it would have had you been able to contain yourself.
Okay, maybe this is just me.
More likely, though, you’re gonna ask your restaurant server about ingredients. What’s in them, etc.?
Moreover, your orders will become more complicated.
- Can I substitute grilled vegetables?
- No butter, please.
- Dressing on the side, if possible.
Yes, all of this is a result of owning a Vitamix.
A change in the way you eat leading to your food taking longer to get into your mouth. So not worth it.
14) You’re gonna need to clean more dishes.
Tupperware. Mason jars. Knives, spoons, and straws.
Face it. You’re gonna have more snacks, drinks and meals at home.
But it’s still more dishes than you were doing before. No thanks.
15) You’re gonna fall into many a YouTube “rabbit holes.”
What’s the deal with well-produced, HD videos showing food? They’re so addicting, especially when they also feature a Vitamix.
But wait, it gets worse.
What about the videos demonstrating Vitamix alongside other machines? Can you say purchase validation?
Where’d the day go? Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten this dang Vitamix?
Well, if the social inconveniences and time lost isn’t enough, there are these:
You know that feeling where you reminisce about what life was like BEFORE introducing a certain thing into your life?
Like how simple life was before owning a home. Or a car. That’s what goes here.
Here are the uncategorized aggravations that make getting a Vitamix not worth it.
16) You’re gonna be distracted at Whole Foods and Costco
“Wait, is that a Vitamix demonstration? Oh, I’ll be right back.”
Twenty minutes later, you’ve watched the entire show.
Smoothie. Soup. Ice cream.
But are you surprised? Did you learn anything new?
You’re like a 12-year old girl watching the movie Titanic. You can’t resist being in the presence of all that emotion in the audience.
Joy. Awe. Surprise. The tiny bit of fear about you living life to its fullest.
You were supposed to be home an hour ago with dinner and toilet paper. Damnit, Vitamix.
17) You’re gonna have to defend your purchase.
People are gonna say, “Vitamix machines are so much money. Isn’t it just a blender? I don’t get it.”
Heck, they made an entire SNL sketch on this. (It didn’t help that they used the most premium model.) But even reconditioned models which are half the price will still put you on the defense against skeptics. (And they didn’t even know you used the Vitamix Payment Plan!)
Some people will get it.
Most won’t, though. And addressing their criticism, even if it’s the silent judgy kind, gets really annoying. Not worth it.
18) You’re gonna feel compelled to make your own juice.
Remember how easy it is to buy your juices fresh and pre-made?
Those days are over.
You’re not gonna be willing to drop $8 on a juice anymore. Why would you?
Now you can make a whole food juice for 10% of the price.
19) You’re not gonna be willing to buy smoothies, either.
The cost-savings from using your own Vitamix to make smoothies is huge. No doubt.
But that’s just the beginning.
Why buy a pre-made smoothie when you can’t control EXACTLY what’s in it?
Majority of big chain smoothies are filled with dairy and other crap.
You’re better off being happy with what’s out there.
20) You’re gonna have to toss your old blender.
Or, maybe you have a run-of-the-mill blender you got as a gift.
Whatever you had, you’re gonna have to toss it.
Compared to your new Vitamix, your old blender is gonna seem worse than cheap. It’s gonna be a waste of space.
Sure, it sucks to discard a gift. And it’s tough knowing you made a bad decision all those years hanging onto what you thought was “just as good.”
But you’re gonna have to let it go.
No doubt, the whole process is gonna make you feel guilty.
So why even go there?
21) You’re gonna wish you had registered for one.
You finally get your Vitamix and are left feeling like an idiot.
Why didn’t we register for this?
Classic woulda coulda shoulda. Ugh.
22) You’re gonna be lost without it.
Chances are, you’re gonna get used to a daily smoothie or shake.
But what happens when you’re on vacation?
Sure, you’re fine eating whatever you want on vacation. Heck, it’s a special event.
Still, unless you have an S-Series and pack it with you, you’re gonna go through some serious Vitamix-made smoothie withdrawal.
Let’s avoid that situation completely, eh?
23) You might be lost WITH it.
A versatile tool like a Vitamix machine can do a lot. But like a power drill or a paint brush or a guitar, you have to be its guide.
So you’re gonna say, “Now what do I do?”
Yes, all Vitamix machines come with a recipe book for inspiration and motivation.
But you’re inevitably gonna get stuck figuring out what to make next.
Stuck and lost, you’re gonna realize that getting a Vitamix was not worth it.
24) You’re gonna have a moment of panic.
“Oh my goodness. What did I just do? I just spent this much on THAT?”
Cancel it. Quick!
If it doesn’t happen immediately, it will while you wait a few days for it to arrive at your door.
It happened to me. It happens to everyone. It’s totally normal.
But the feeling is still NOT fun.
Sure, you can cancel your order. You can even send it back within 30 days of receiving it. Vitamix will even cover return shipping.
But that guarantee isn’t enough to offset the cost of panic.
Avoid guaranteed panic by not getting a Vitamix at all.
25) You might have to get it tuned up.
Having to get your Vitamix serviced, in and of itself, is not what makes getting a Vitamix not worth it. (Please excuse the triple negative.)
After all, each machine comes with a full, multi-year warranty. Plus, Vitamix covers shipping BOTH ways.
The problem is having to be away from your Vitamix while it’s “at the shop.”
To be clear, Vitamix machines are NOT like cars.
They do NOT require regular tune-ups. They’re engineered to perform at a high-level several years beyond their warranty period.
But if yours does happen to be in the tiny percentage of units that need service, you’re gonna be without your Vitamix for a few days.
And no, you DON’T get a loaner.
This situation is completely avoidable by not getting a Vitamix in the first place.
26) You’re gonna use your knives and cutting board a lot less.
Remember those fancy knives and cutting board you have? The ones that bring you so much culinary joy as you chop like a chef?
Kiss ’em goodbye.
Since chopping is a stress-relieving activity, and you’re gonna do it a lot less as a Vitamix owner, I’d avoid getting one all together.
27) You’re gonna have a food processor conundrum.
As mentioned above, your Vitamix can chop. Now, you’re stuck with a food processor that:
- You don’t use.
- Is gathering dust and takes up space.
- Holds sentimental value from some gift or time in your life which makes it very difficult to get rid of.
Ugh! Once again, the Vitamix is gonna force you to make some tough decisions on old kitchen tools.
Killin me, Vitamix!
28) You might feel compelled to buy one for your son or daughter’s dorm room.
Two problems with this.
First, this is a really nice thing to be sending to a dorm room. That’s upsetting on several levels.
Second, your hope is that the Vitamix is helpful in avoiding the freshman 15. Yet, you know it will probably do the opposite as your son or daughter’s room becomes a destination for making frozen margaritas and daiquiris.
Not worth it.
29) You’re gonna wonder what took so long.
Few things hurt more than knowing you made a bad decision. It’s a fact of life.
No doubt, waiting too long to get your Vitamix is gonna sting.
How do you avoid that regretful feeling?
Never get one.
I’m still am kicking myself for waiting as long as I did.
Note: This article is 99% tongue-in-cheek. You absolutely should get a Vitamix. They’re 100% worth it. It will change your life. And if you use one of my links, it will (ever-so-slightly) change mine. See below.
Related & recommended
If you liked this post, here are a few other Vitamix-related Life is NOYOKE originals you might appreciate.