26 Signs You Are a Vitamix Owner

Any Vitamix owner will tell you: They’re obsessed.

Their Vitamix is not just a complete culinary system.

It’s not just a blender, juicer, and food processor all-in-one.

To Vitamix owners, their Vitamix is simply the best thing ever.

Do Vitamix Owners Realize How They Sound?

Vitamix owners know the secret power of their shiny, $500 kitchen appliance.  They know the allure it bestows upon their kitchen. They know that owning one makes them the envy of all their friends. When it comes to their Vitamix, owners just know.

But Vitamix owners don’t know how they sound to outsiders.  Outsiders hear Vitamix owners speak of their precious tool like in a prophetic tone. As an outsider, you’d think the Vitamix feeds the children. Or walks the dog. Or, well, is the dog. To outsiders, Vitamix owners sound absurd.

Alas, Vitamix owners, as I can personally attest to, don’t care what outsiders think. Because until you own one, you’ll never understand.

Which of These Sound Familiar?

For Vitamix owners, the cliche holds true: It takes one to know one. Here are 26 signs that you’re a Vitamix owner. Did I miss any?

1. When your Vitamix first arrived, you were afraid.  Very afraid.
2. You’ve proclaimed your Vitamix as your new BFF.
3. Your Vitamix has a name. Like Vicky.
4. Sharing pictures before and (10 seconds) after feels completely normal.
5. You get giddy each time you fire it up.
6. You missed it like a friend during the recent recall.
7. You are genuinely proud of your Vitamix when it cleans up after itself
8. Your infants know nothing of gerber baby food.
9. You bragged to the world when you got yours.
10. You know all too well when someone thinks you’re talking about your vitamins.
11. You’ve tried to consume your late night pizza with a straw.
12. You’ve had funny conversations explaining “the tamper“.
13. You were proud to tell Lenny Gale about your Vitamix.
14. You had a scare with your vitamix, googling “what happens if I drop a fork in my Vitamix”.
15. When you talk about dates and your Vitamix, it has nothing to do with the fruit.
16. On business trips, you miss your Vitamix more than your significant other.
17. You upgraded to a Vitamix 7500 just so it could permanently live on your counter.
18. You speak of your Vitamix like it’s your pet.
19. Your significant other got out of the dog house by buying you a Vitamix.
20. You’ve made what appears to be vomit but taken it down like a champ anyway.
21. You stalked Vitamix pictures on Pinterest before finally getting one.
22. Shit starts to get weird when your wife is out of town.
23. You credit your Vitamix as the reason for your weight loss and newfound happiness.
24. You counted down the days until it arrived by mail.
25. You care about your friends’ admiration of your Vitamix more than what you actually make with it.
26. You wrote an entire blog post about yourself and fellow Vitamix owners.

More real quotes

After publishing this article, I realized there is an endless, ongoing well of hilarity coming from the mouths of Vitamix owners. The quotes below are some of my favorites. Consider it an ongoing, evolving list. Maybe someday it will become a coffee table book. Enjoy.

“I have a mistress and her name is Vitamix.” Cindy of Get Coached Blog

Calling all Vitamix Owners

What’s your Vitamix story?  Certainly there is more to rejoice about (laugh at).  Do tell by replying below.